So Your Kid Is An ABDL*... Perhaps you have come to this site wondering why your child is hiding baby things in their room, or they have come out to you as ABDL*s. You probably have a lot of questions and are at a loss as to what to do. This page is for you. 1. Wrap your head around the idea that your child being ABDL* is not their choice, or a recent development. It may be new to you, but your child has likely been harboring these feelings for as long as they can remember.
2. Your child being an ABDL* is not going to change anything in a negative way. Being ABDL* just means that an individual may self-identify a little differently than their peers and have different preferences, but their "ABDL*-ness" isn't going to put them at any academic disadvantage or anything silly like that.
3. Realize that you may need to give a little extra support to your ABDL* child on an emotional level. ABDL* children have the potential to face a great deal of bullying and ignorance in real life and on the internet. Ultimately all children these days need to be reminded that bullies never really go away, all that matters is the people around them who love them. It is impossible to be liked by everybody. ABDL* children in particular may blame their own social rejection of the fact that they are ABDL*s. Just remind them that it is not their fault that and that some people just won't like them even if they aren't ABDL*s.
Possible Scenario: Your 14 year old child takes a private selfie on in their "pink fuzzy bunny onsie". A classmate steals our kids phone and posts the picture all over the net. Since the picture is not explicit, you can't easily go after the perpetrator to get it removed. One result could be that your kid gets bullied relentlessly on-line, and ends up suicidal. Instead step in and make sure your kid has a rich world outside of school. Freinds come and go every semester, but family doesn't. Not saying home-school your kids, but... Suppossedly "sheltered/isolated" home schooled kids make some of the most well adjusted young adults.
4. Do your homework. You should learn about some of the common vocabulary so you can try to be on the same page as your child.
5. Don't do to much homework. It is important to have some understanding of ABDL* on your own to be able to facilitate discussion with your child, but your child is the real expert. They know themselves better than anybody else. Your child may very well fall outside the scope of the information available on the internet. When you have a discussion with your child, leave your preconceived notions behind. Let them lead.
6. Create a "bubble". This is general parenting advice. Instill the following in your child: "Cool is relative, high school doesn't last forever". Make it so your child has a network of support outside of their social circles at school.
Possible Scenario: A kid has no friends at school. Nobody can really physically hurt them because of zero tolerance polices these days.... But the kid sits alone EVERY day and is told "Why don't you just kill yourself" etc. Even the kid's teachers treat them like garbage.
But what if the kid has a dog that loves them. One or more parents that love them. Maybe the kid goes every weekend to build model boats with their grandfather and bake with their grandmother. The point is that the kid has a rich life outside of school and doesn't care about the non-sense that goes on at school.
To be a good parent you want to make a bubble of support. Even if your kid does "win at the popularity thing" a bubble is still good to keep them anchored so they stay focused.
With an ABDL* kid in mind it is important to have a bubble of people they can confide in. Lets say your kid sees a politician go on TV and declare all ABDL*s to pedophiles or something ignorant. Your kid might need someone to talk to.
As a parent you can't make the bullying disappear, but you can average it out.Frequently Asked Questions:
Is This Just A Phase?
Many small children may seem to take an interest in diapers at some point, however it does necessarily not mean anything until after about age 6. Being an ABDL* is not a "phase". Desires and feelings definitely wax and wane, but it is an enduring personality trait or identity. ABDL* is a relatively “new” phenomenon, however there are many ABDL*s well into their sixties.
Safety Online:
"Adult Baby" is a misnomer, many "adult babies" are actually quite young. Some ABDL* individuals have actually been attempting to enter the online ABDL* community as early as 5th grade. (I was in middle school, the only reason I didn't start earlier was that I thought I would get caught by my parents. ABDL*ness is considered primarily a kink or fetish by some ABDL*s. The danger of children and teens hanging around hard-core fetish websites is pretty obvious.
1. Online Predators- obviously this is a risk for any teen or child on the internet. Unfortunately for special groups such as ABDL*s, there is a greater risk that minors will reaching out to others online and end up talking to “un-savory characters” that an adult would have the sense to avoid. Be sure to talk to your kids about the fact that people on the internet are not always who they claim to be.
2. Inappropriate Content for Minors- again, an issue for all minors on the net. For teen babies though, there is more of a risk with the types of things they will search for when trying to educate themselves about ABDL*. There are not a great deal of safe bland informational ".org" type websites devoted to ABDL, and certainly none currently catering to teens. Most ABDL* websites are pretty benign, but ABDL* is of course a sexual fetish for many people. (In my links page I will offer websites that are generally safe.)
3. Sharing Personal information- Young ABDL*s often feel very isolated. It is important that your child understands that no matter how desperate and lonely they feel, giving out personal information or attempting to meet people form the internet is dangerous.
Unsafe Practices/ Health Concerns:
It is important to know what your child's "practices" are with regard to diapers. The important question here is, "where are they getting their diapers? A lot of teens will simply go to a store, buy a pack of diapers, and sneak them into the house. Others... especially younger children might be inclined to steal them, or worse raid trash cans for used ones. Stealing or "finding" diapers is usually more of a problem with younger children who are more desperate and less able to effectively articulate their desires, and needs than teenagers. Stealing diapers is, well... stealing so... I don't really need to explain what is wrong there. As far as used diapers go... Really... Really... Yucky!!! Anything involved with other people's bodily waste is a big no-no(and creepy anyway). The percentage of young ABDLs who have gone after used diapers is actually very small, but it is just worth mentioning because it is so gross. Teen babies usually don't have access to many diapers and thus they tend to “make them last”... Make sure they understand proper hygiene. Diapers should be changed at least once every 8-12 hours no matter what their capacity is. A lot of ABDL*s tend to re-wear their diapers without wetting them when they are first starting out and don't have access to many diapers. Even a clean diaper will get sweaty and gross after a while.
Ways To Mitigate Risks:
Overall most of the inherent risks of having an ABDL child, if not all, can be solved by
loving and supportingyour child no matter what. Just tell them you love them, and communicate as effectively as possible. Be observant, but don’t pry.Should I Provide My Child With Diapers/Baby Things?
Depending on personal preference, parents might opt to provide diapers or allow their children to put their allowance towards a pack every once and a while. I would recommend this, as it ensures your child's safety and can greatly enhance their self-esteem. That being said, everything in moderation. Diapers, pacifiers... ect. are expensive. Reusable items like cloth diapers or even things like pacifiers and stuffed animals might be a better choice for some individuals. Again communication is key.
Can I Make It Go Away?
No. ABDL* is an enduring part of one's identity. Those who have tried to rid themselves of it have been rewarded with severe depression and a relative deterioration of their emotional stability. A better solution would be to encourage your child to accept their ABDL*.
Is This Sexual?
Not necessarily. It depends on the individual. It can be strictly a fetish for some, but other ABDL*s become very upset at the thought of sex because they feel it ruins their ability to feel innocent. Some ABDL*s are even asexual (not sexually attracted anyone, male, female, or any other gender). This is a question that only your child can answer. Many ABDL* children experiment with incorporating their ABDL* into their sexuality during puberty, but some do not find it pleasurable and eventually become almost exclusively non-sexual ABDL*s. Even the more sexual ABDL*s almost always have a non-sexual component to their ABDL*.
Is My Kid Mentally Ill?
Some parents wonder if they should take their kids to a “shrink”. Adult babies are not even mentioned in the DSM-V (Diagnostic Manual for Psychologists). Diaper lovers technically fall under the category of a fetish. Fetishes are listed in the DSM, however they are only considered harmful if they are impacting an individual’s life in an unhealthy way. As long as one is not having difficulty with accepting their ABDL*, there is no cause for alarm. The only benefit of seeking psychiatric help would be to help with any issues your child has with self-esteem or depression as a result of being in the closet. When choosing a mental health professional it is imperative that one “shops around” for someone that suits your child best. Most professionals will be a source of support for your child, however there is a significant chance that you will find one here or there who is both unfamiliar with ABDL* and discriminatory. There are still “professionals” out there practicing that believe hom*osexuality is a “mental disorder” that can be “corrected”. Although ABDL* does not have anything to do with hom*osexuality, however ABDL*s struggle with many of the same issues of acceptance and self-confidence. Finding a “gay-affirming” counselor/therapist/shrink would be the best route as far as professional help goes. A therapist that has experience with transgender patients would be my personal choice.
Is My Kid Doing Drugs?
Pacifier use among teens and adults is sometimes associated with the use of drugs, particularly Molly/Ecstasy. As long as your kid has an actual pacifier not a "rave pacifier" they should be fine. The "adult pacifiers"sold at night-clubs have a hard plastic nipple and are meant to be bit down on rather than sucked on. Ecstasy can make some individuals grind their teeth or bite their tongues, thus “pacifiers” are used. The simplest way to figure out if your kid's pacifier is drug related is to simply
